I have a master’s degree, or rather a doctorate, in accepting situations beyond my control. In adapting, healing, changing direction, and moving forward with love and gratitude.

And it isn’t easy. Life has made me this way. It has forced me. It has taught me.

September came, and with it came this enormous weight. This immense pain that shakes my soul, my body, and my mind.

Sometimes it comes slowly, and sometimes it hits me hard. It goes back and forth, from good to bad, from light to dark, as the days go by and we get closer to this day.

Today. September 14.

Today I want to dedicate my blog to a very special person. A woman who inspires me every day. Someone who has been a friend, a mother, a sister, a grandma to my children, and, many times, my feet when I haven’t been able to stand on my own.

Nadia Fahim.

Let nothing disturb your peace of mind.

It’s not worth it.

Peace of mind is non negotiable.

I believe one of the truest forms of happiness comes when you learn to live at peace with yourself. When your well being doesn’t depend on anyone else, on any place, or on any thing.

In my life, there have been a few very clear, unique moments when I have felt that I was having a conversation with God.

And I have to say, I don’t mean a normal prayer. It wasn’t simply praying or asking for something. These were moments when I spoke to Him with absolute clarity, from the deepest part of me, and I felt that He answered me with that same clarity.

Unpredictable. Ever-changing. Exciting. Challenging.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve lived many lives in just one.

There is a word I have been running from for almost two years.

Widow.

I have refused to accept it because, in my heart, accepting that word felt like accepting that I was his wife… and that I am not anymore.

Mi Amor

Today I found this photo.

I stared at it for a long time, trying to understand how life can continue without you. I still can’t believe I’m breathing without you. I can’t believe I’m living without you.

You.

In grief, there are triggers.

Moments, messages, memories, people, or situations that have the power to open a door you thought was closed for the day.

I always told you that I wanted to shout from the balcony that I loved you, because telling only you never felt like enough.

My husband was going to die. It was written. But God, in His infinite love and mercy, chose to take him in the place where I would be best supported to endure it.

Your pace and mine are different. And I’m not talking about music. I’m talking about life.

Today I want to speak to all those single people who feel excited… or are searching for love.

At the end of today’s class, my coach said:

“You survived. That was rough… and you survived.”

In life, opportunities show up, and when they do, you have to be ready to take them.

I was talking about this with a friend, and she told me something one of her professors used to say:

“The train passes at 10.”

There should be a license that protects me from getting sick.

A kind of exemption. A code. A quiet agreement with God.

Because after taking my husband, after leaving me here, raising our three children on my own when they are still so little, you would think I could be placed on a special list.

Grief doesn’t just take the person you love.
It takes the person you used to be.

Because you don’t only grieve who you lost,
you grieve who you were when they were here.

Grief is not just something you feel in your heart.

It lives all over your body.

It changes your sleep.
Your appetite.
Your focus.
Your energy.
Your memory.

Everything.

Today, Venezuela rose as the best baseball team in the world. They beat the United States 3–2 in the World Baseball Classic… for the first time in history.

And yes… I felt it.
I sweated it.
My nerves were on edge.
I celebrated it.
I got goosebumps.

Like Shakira and Karol G say in their song TQG:

“The one who told you that a void can be filled with another person lied to you. It’s like covering a wound with makeup—you can’t see it, but you still feel it.”